The below is true. I’m so alone lol
I went to a very conservative elementary school near downtown Honolulu, and in hindsight, this was made even more apparent by the fact that I knew about the prim and proper attitude while in school. I don’t remember how old I was in the 3rd grade; I was a nice kid, quiet and easy-going. Everyone was all kinds of awkward but it wasn’t about bullying yet. Sure there were calm kids and slightly excitable kids. But overall class and recess were smooth with nothing worth noting, just well behaved, nice kids. No one really stood out. I didn’t raise my hand to answer the teacher, I was unremarkable.
One day this girl named Sherri, brought a halloween costume to class. Now Sherri is the kind of person you look at, and despite your best efforts, you form a snap judgement about. And it’s a negative one. I didn’t especially care for her, the way she talked, or the way she acted. She wasn’t like the other kids.
Recess hit and I was at the door waiting for a friend to come, as he sat in the back of the class. Sherri put the mask on and ran in front of me, so where she was right in front of my face. I smiled, and she jumped and went “ooga booga ooga booga ooga booga” with her head moving from side to side. For two seconds she did this.
Then I punched her in the face.
Looking back these years, I am certain I really did not know why. Really. She was not crazy or annoying, just a little loud. A reaction you might call it. I had no choice. I smacked the dumb bitch.
She started crying. I almost felt puzzled, as I had no idea why she was crying. Of course I knew, but it seemed I had disconnected myself from the action. I comforted her, and as the teacher and principle and counselors descended on me, I was really helpful in facilitating an appropriate punishment for me. I had to write a letter to her parents and her, as well as the other kids.
So I wrote that I was sorry and I felt really bad about my actions and how I should think more about consequences. The letter wrote itself practically. I got up in front of the class and read the letter. I was 7 years old and said I was sorry for hitting her.
One of the most fucked up things I’ve ever said (to the class and Sherri) was that I was sorry. Because the simple truth is I wasn’t. And I’m sure a lot of kids and teachers felt that Sherri got she deserved.